The beginning of the beginning...

When I wanted to get reading back into my daily routine, the way I accomplished it (aside from simply picking up a book and *gasp!* reading) was being accountable for a goal.  Hence, my blog I created to complete a goal of 21 books in one year.  Did I complete my goal of 21 books?  No!  Did I read all the classic books on the list? No!  Did I start reading more for entertainment?  YES!!  Success! And all because I needed to get back in the habit.  And, for me, the best way to get in the habit is to have other people supervising my progress, motivating me, giving me ideas, and keeping me on track.  To that end, another blog has been created for another goal of mine... to finally be healthy, active, and happy.

In the grand tradition of womanhood, a lot of my self-esteem comes from my outward appearance.  I'm not saying it's right, I'm not saying I like it, but it's the truth.  I spent years and years doing not-so-healthy things to lose weight just to gain it right back and then some.  I desire to be thin and feel good about the way I look, yes.  However, since having my daughter my idea of self-esteem has morphed into something else because now I'm responsible for teaching her, by example, about loving who you are and focusing on being healthy and happy, not skinny. It's my job to break tradition and help build, in my own small way, a better tomorrow for my daughter and the next generation of girls and women when it comes to body image and confidence. 

Back when I was a healthy 125 lbs and a comfortable size 5/6 (not to mention 18 years old, single, and not a mom) I found inspiration and physical health in running and Pilates.  The Pilates made me feel centered and powerful, gave me great posture and flexibility, and helped cinch my core like a corset.  The running gave me endurance and mental peace, gave me an outlet for my young adult angst, and also a fantastic butt!  Two hours of running most days and Pilates a few times a week helped me lose that nagging baby-fat that all my friends seemed to have lost around 16 and help me feel good about myself for the first time in my life.

Another grand tradition that generations of women are also very familiar with is what happens after marriage and children.  Namely stress, lack of time, other priorities and responsibilities, jobs and house-work, sleepless nights, comfort food, fatigue..........weight gain.  I have fluctuated between 130 and 182 (non-pregnant) pounds in the almost 9 years that I've been married to my wonderful husband.  52 pounds swinging back and forth like a pendulum, gaining momentum one direction or another, dragging my moods and self-confidence with them.  It's depressing and humiliating to run into people who remember me being a whole 6-year-old smaller than I am currently.  It's also depressing and humiliating to take the 2 flights of stairs between the laundry room and my apartment as if I just ran the NYC marathon or just finished that huge tap number at the end of a Broadway musical.  The depression and humiliation continues when I am chasing my children around the courtyard outside and when I stop moving, my stomach flab continues to undulate for a good 5 minutes more (at least that's how my brain perceives this embarrassing moment which, in actuality, is probably less than an actual moment).

As a working mother, I have struggled over the last 7 years to balance work, wife-hood, mother-hood, housework, extra-curricular activities, budgeting and exercise/ healthy eating.  I also have a condition in which my body does not metabolize sugar and carbs the way it should, meaning if I want to lose weight or maintain a healthy weight, I have to be very carb-conscious, sticking to more veggies and protein than fruits and grains.  Which really stinks considering how much I love fruit and bread!  So when I'm stressed, guess what I reach for?  That's right!  Bread, sweets, high sugar fruits.  If only, in a moment of stress, I could really go for a string cheese or a cup of broccoli instead.  Or pick up my running shoes and hit the open road!  The more carbs I eat, the more weight I gain, which in turn makes me crave more carbs.  The more weight I gain, the harder it is to exercise, which means I gain more weight and so on and so on.  It's a viscous cycle that needs to end for the sake of myself and my family.

So, I have a plan.  I am an all-or-nothing kind of gal, which is not conducive to long and lasting results as I tend to want quick-fix, fast-acting results.  But this time I'm going to work on my perspective.  I'm not trying to be skinny, I'm trying to be active and healthy.  My healthy weight, with good muscle tone, is about 130 lbs.  The big reveal... I am currently 176 lbs!  I have gained 10 pounds in 2 months, somehow, and I'm afraid of what will happen if that continues.  I have 46 pounds to lose to reach this weight, which should take approximately 23 weeks at 2 lbs per week.  If I started tomorrow (Saturday, July 7th, 2012), the end of my 26 weeks would be January 5th, 2013.  A new year, a newer and healthier future for my family and me.

I have some mini-goals within this time I would like to meet.  I have not created timelines for them yet, I probably should in the near future.  They are:

1) Quit Caffeine-  I drink Diet Coke and Crystal Light Energy, neither are necessary or healthy... I want them out of my diet.  This will hopefully lend itself to drinking more water, too.  Win-win!
2) Quit Artificial Sugars- Diet Coke, Crystal Light Energy, countless "diet" and "sugar-free" products contain these little poisons... I want them out, too!
3) Run a 5K- I've always wanted to actually join a 5K and run the entire thing, instead of starting off kind of jogging and then walking across that finish line.  3.2 miles really isn't that hard, I used to do it on my own all the time.  I just have to get back there again.  Ultimately, I would love to continue progressing to a half-marathon.  But a 5K is a more realistic and attainable goal for the time being.
4) Move to a clean diet- I want my family and I to be eating whole, real foods.  We already do pretty well, at least most of what I feed my children falls within this category.  Why do I have higher standards for my children than I do for myself?  Shouldn't I love myself enough to want to give my body the best, too?  Plus, convenience foods are so much more expensive, albeit convenient (hence the name).  More planning on my part will make this easier.
5) Get at least 2 days of toning/sculpting exercises in a week- My body type lends itself to quick weight gain on my upper body, resulting in people constantly asking me if I'm a softball player.  I hate it!  And I used to have great legs!  The running will take care of my butt and legs, but I need to add toning exercises to this for my arms, chest, shoulders, and core.  Pilates and weight-training should help tone those muscles to quicken and enhance the flab-fighting results I'm looking for.  Not to mention feeling like Wonder Woman carrying those 10 bags of groceries across the parking lot and up the flight of stairs to my apartment!

So, there it is.  My goals.  Now reality.  I hate this part, but it's necessary to realistically view where I currently am before I can start moving toward where I want to be.

07/06/12: 176 lbs

Date: 07/06/12
Height: 5'4"
Weight: 176 lbs
Chest: 38"
Waist: 37"
Hips: 41.5"


(Photo courtesy of Justin Sykes)








It's crazy to think that I've even gotten here... horrifying to think of how your little choices throughout the day add up to being the baggage that you carry with you for years, figuratively and literally.  Not anymore!  My goal weight of 130 lbs isn't a must, it's not about the weight.  It's about feeling good, inside and out.  It's about being healthy, but as much as I want to deny it, weight and measurements are factors in health.  Plus, they're tangible ways to track progress, although I will be tracking my moods and energy levels as well. 

2 lbs a week, more activity, less unhealthy foods, more water... small steps toward a better life.  I appreciate any help I can get along the way, especially from you successful exercisers, low GI and clean eaters, and active motivational people.  And I hope I can inspire people along the way to do it with me.  To reverse all those little bad choices that led to excess baggage and start today by making little healthy choices toward freedom.  Join me, please, and we can motivate each other through the struggle so many of us endure!