Simplicity is liberating.
This winter was a rough one. Seasonal Affective Disorder is real and so were the last few months. But Spring has finally hit here in New York and the accompanying sunshine and longer, warmer days is a welcome change from the dreary cold.
This year I've been trying to bring it down to basics, to the essentials. Since the last few months have been spent on "Survival mode", this has been necessary. But gaining a better understanding of and appreciation for who I am has led to some changes, inside and out. I feel freer than I have in a long time, like a weight has been lifted off my heart and film has washed away from my eyes. I feel a confidence I've never felt before, which is funny considering I'm heavier than I've ever been and cannot fit into any of my clothes anymore. The confidence is there nonetheless because it runs much deeper than my skin, down to a place that I'd long since neglected. I am a daughter of a loving Heavenly Father who knows me, is aware of my needs, and has a purpose for me for which he has given me skills and talents and abilities in order to achieve.
Because I now truly believe this about myself, I no longer feel the need to hide who I am or try to change it or cover it up.
1) I've stopped dying my hair: Why do we do this, anyway? For a long time it was more experimental for me. I enjoyed doing something different. After a while I felt as though it was a necessity, that there was something wrong with the hair color I had been given. That the grays that have started to bless my head should be covered up as if they did not exist. I earned those grays! They are symbols of the trials I've survived! And my real hair color was hereditary. During the summer the sun bleaches it to a nice light brown and it gets streaks of blonde in it naturally. Why cover all that up?
2) I've been wearing less make-up: I love mascara. I love what it does to my green eyes. I like the occasional eye-shadow and lip gloss, maybe some blush here and there. Yes, sometimes I have dark circles under my eyes from lack of sleep. But so does my husband and he doesn't smear concealer under them every morning! And I hate the feeling of heavy make-up on my skin at the end of the day. I can't wait to wash it off! And it clogs my pores, causing me to have to wear more make-up to cover it up. Why do I do this? Mascara should be enough for most days. When my daughters asks if she can wear make-up and I say "You don't need any because you're beautiful without it" I'm sending her the message that I don't believe that I am beautiful without make-up. While it may be partly true, someday she may start thinking that she should feel the same way about herself, and that will be truly a shame. Sometimes a lot of make-up can be fun, but not everyday.
3) For the first time in my entire life I can honestly say that Yes... I'm overweight, but it doesn't matter. It truly doesn't matter. My weight does not define me. My weight does not decide my worth. The size jeans I have to wear does not make me a better or worse person. I'm trying to lose the weight to feel good physically, to keep up with my kids, to avoid having to spend a lot of money on new clothes that actually fit. But for the first time ever, my weight loss or gain does not define me. I am who I am regardless of whether I weigh 120 lbs or 320 lbs... the person inside is the same. Although the former can climb the stairs faster.
Why do we insist on allowing what is on the outside to define who we are or how we feel? Why do we insist on covering up our "imperfections"... who labeled them imperfections in the first place? I'm not saying lets all stop shaving our legs, grow a unibrow, and never look in the mirror again. But lets get to a place where we can love ourselves despite, or maybe even because of, what we see when we look in that mirror. Lets stop being so harsh on ourselves and each other. Lets worry more about the shape of our character than the shape of our waistline. I believe, if we truly do this with real intent, if we can whole-heartedly believe in ourselves, that the rest will take care of itself.
Simplicity is happiness, and happiness is simple.
